Friday, April 30, 2010

My Darling Raye

Dear Blogland,

My daughter is 17 and just broke up with her boyfriend of 6 months. I guess he was the breaker-uper; I’m not sure since I think they've broken up 20 times in the last week. But now her world is over. She’s crying her eyes out - that anxiety cry where you hyperventilate. And there isn’t anything I can do. She won’t talk to me. She won’t let me comfort her. Its the worst feeling in the world to have your child crying so hard she can't breath, right in front on you, and she won't let you hold her and there isn't anything you can do. Anyone out there in blogland have any advice??

Then I guess after her boyfriend/ex-boyfriend/boyfriend/ex-boyfriend left, he went and got wasted, punched a window and then broke his collar bone trying to ride his dirt bike drunk. He said he did that because she was “mad” at him. Why to teenagers always over-react? They used to be so cute together. He just turned 19 but I swear he does not look a day over 12. (Yes. I said TWELVE). I made him show me his drivers license because I didn't believe him. He has never even shaved and Raye was his very first girlfriend. But, Raye has an anger problem, as you all know, and blew up in front of him (not AT him; IN FRONT OF him) (threw her cell phone across the cafeteria; yep, it broke) and he got tired (or scared of!) it and broke up with her for a minute. Then she did it again (yelled at the principal to “fuck off”) and he did it again. Now I don’t know what they are doing and I don’t think they know either! At least the kid got Raye to agree to go to anger-management. That’s more than I could do! But then he goes all window-punching? And Raye has the anger problem?? I just don't know what to do. She has missed about 5 days from school in the last 2 weeks because she either is so upset that she can't go or she gets so upset at school she has to come home early. I told her last night that school is more important than Blue and she is not missing any more school! She said that's what DBD (well she didn't say "DBD"; she said "dad" but, well, you know...) said too. Well, for once I can agree with DBD (I guess I should write the date down because I'm willing to bet it will never happen again!).

I guess Blue breaking his collar-bone cheered Raye up because she was feeling better after that. That's my little sadist girl that I love! I don't really care the reason she was feeling better because now I can feel better and she's not bawling her eyes out. She felt so much better that she went out with friends and didn't get home until 3am. Why do I  know that? Did she wake me up with her key in the door? Maybe switching on a light switch? No. She woke me up via my cell phone saying "Mom, I'm reading to go home can you pick me up?" Yeah. Little Miss "I'm 17 and I make my own decisions and do what I want" needed a ride home from Mommy at 3am. 

Okay ~ off to class I go. Everyone have a great weekend!

The Girl Creative

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Thursday? What to do for Thursday? Thursday (random) Thoughts?

I'm sitting here in the computer lab at school, at 9am, because my 9am class was canceled. Great. I don't find that out until I'm waiting outside the door for the professor and I see a "class is canceled" sign. My next class isn't until 10:30am. Wonderful. Great. Fabulous. I could have stayed in bed another hour!

Why do teenagers want nothing to do with you until they need a ride somewhere or spending money or need you to make them dinner? My daughter is 17. Recently she has started the "I'm 17, I'll do what I want" "I'm 17, I make my own appointments on my own time" "I'm 17, you can't tell me what to do anymore"?? I feel like telling her "Your 17, make your own dinner" "Your 17, go take a bus" "Your 17, you want money? Go get a job" "Your 17, rent is due, where is your portion?"

Why are the slooooooooooow, drivers always in front of me when I am late for class??

Why are the slooooooooow people always in front of me, in line at the store, when I'm late picking up my kids? Then why do they always say "oh, I forgot (fill in the blank)" and then run from the counter to go get whatever the hell they forgot, while I am standing there, running late, waiting for them to get back and pay for their shit so I can get out of there! I felt like just dropping the shit on the counter and walking out. Yes, I have done that before.

Why is it that teenagers in my day could walk 40 miles to & from school, in the rain, snow, sleet, wind; during a blizzard, thunderstorm and all uphill both ways but teenagers these days can't walk 1/2 mile to school in the bright sunshine??

Why does it seem like the entire cupboard full of dishes is always in the sink dirty when none of us have ate anything??

Why, everytime when I'm running late (always) and in a super-hurry; our dog takes FOREVER to pee?? He turns around 20 million times before lifting his leg. Really? I wanna yell at him: "Does it matter what leg you lift!!" "Why do you have to turn around and around and around and around??" Ahhhhhh!!

Why is it when I am trying to study for school, one of my cats always chooses to lay right on top of my textbook when they have the entire house and patio to lay around?? Why do they ALWAYS have to choose that spot?? Ahhhhhhh!!!! again.

66 minutes until class. Yippee - now what?

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Tuesday Tag-Along

Tuesday Tag-Along

I got this from: Twee Poppets. 
I'm going to add to this post when I have more time ~ I'm late for class!

Monday, April 26, 2010

Sibling Rivalry

I haven't written anything so far about my little-big brother Ken. Little cuz he's seven years younger. Big cuz he's 6foot4. We haven't spoken to each other in almost two years and its been very hard on our mom. Ken is a hard person to get along with, I love him but was very exhausting always having to watch what I said or did so that he wouldn't get mad and disown you for a week, month, two years. My parents permanently separated a few months ago. My mom kicked  my stepdad out and our family disowned him. Let's just say my ex-stepdad really messed up. So, my mom's been all "we're all we have" and "can't we just all get along" for months. I guess my brother realized how wrong and difficult of a person he can be because he started going to church and yesterday, he was baptized. Ken sent me an invitation through our Mom telling me he really wanted me to be there. After not speaking for two years. I tossed it around for days whether I should go or not and in the end, even though I had to be up at an insane hour on a Sunday morning, I went.

I have realized that I have written many times that I would finish a story later and I never have!! Welcome to the hectic, scatter-brained life of a college student/single mom. I will try to get better at that and I say this because I have to do it again. I have a meeting with Raye's dean at school about the little "fuck off principal" incident, so I have to get going.

Oh, can tell I'm a Vegas girl (I lived in Vegas for 20 years before moving back home a few years ago) I sat down on the pews at the church and there were papers and pencils in the back on the pew in front of me and big screen TV's on the walls and I grabbed the papers and said "Look! They have Keno!". If that wasn't bad enough, my mom made fun of me and said "the girls with the drinks will be coming by in a minute" and I'm all "Where??"

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Sunday Stealing

Well, I don't know if I copied that right but if I did ~ the pic above is moving. I stole this from LIVINGDEADNURSE . I was seriously cracking up for 10 minutes but that's what I get for being up before 8am on a Sunday. I must be crazy! But, my dysfunctional family has plans this weekend so no days off for me. I just wanted to post this before I left so everyone else can laugh to. Or not. Maybe its only me who thinks its so funny? I'm not thinking too clearly right now. Its like 7am on Sunday! My brain is still asleep. I just wrote a paragraph about a moving picture. I really should go back to bed...

Friday, April 23, 2010

Just when I thought the DBD couldn't get any more DB...

Raye hasn't been feeling well lately so I made a doctor appointment for her yesterday, the only one they had available right smack in the middle of my clase de Espanol but hey, that's what we responsible parents do ~ take our children to the doctors when they are sick. Even if we have to miss work, school, life, whatever to do it. But hey ~ I'm getting off-topic and starting to go down a different rant-road. Anyway ~ we get there and they tell us they can't verify Raye's insurance. Well, that has to be a mistake because she's had insurance through her father (and I use that term VERY loosely) her whole life. So, I ask Raye to call DBD and ask him for the information needed and guess what? DBD tells her that he got FIRED last month and so she doesn't have insurance anymore! You would have thought he would have had the courtesy and the BALLS to call me, the MOTHER OF HIS CHILDREN, and tell me this before I have my sick child in the doctors office being told she no longer has any insurance coverage!! I think the word "livid" is an understatement to how I am feeling. Even Raye, the "Daddy's Girl" was pissed. So, what happened? She didn't get to see the doctor because I didn't have $320 (three hundred and twenty dollars!) for her visit and they don't accept my insurance and the COWARD refused to answer his phone when I called him after we left. So, I left a nice little "thanks for telling me that my children have no medical insurance before I took my sick daughter to the doctor and she couldn't be seen because her piece-of-shit father didn't have the courtesy to call and let her mother know he lost his job! Guess that means the barely-any child support is stopping too. Thanks for giving me the heads up. I guess I truly am on my own with the kids ~ guess you've finally lost everything now ~ you've hit rock bottom and you still don't think you have a problem. Its a good think my children have one parent who gives a shit". Unbelievable. Just when I thought DBD couldn't be any more of a deadbeat ~ he goes and proves me wrong.

Oh, and btw ~ I must have e.s.p. or something because I had DBD "neutered" 15 years ago after our youngest son was born. Best thing I ever did!!  


The Girl Creative

Thursday, April 22, 2010

I got a phone call from my daughter yesterday during English class. Its NEVER a good thing when my daughter CALLS me during class. Normally we text each other all day long while we are both at school (one of these days I'M going to get called to HER principals office for texting her in class!) but when she calls me ~ I know its NOT good news! So, I took my phone and sneaked out of class to see what she did this time. "Mom, I'm suspended". See ~ I told you it was never good...but wait for it..."...for telling the PRINCIPAL to fuck off". Yes ~ you heard me right. The last time she called me during class she was at the grocery store by her school and they needed me to leave class to pick her up because she was caught shoplifting. Its never boring with this girl. So, what kind of jail-time does telling the principal to "fuck off" get you? A two-day suspension. Honestly, I thought it would be longer. But, getting to miss two days of school for cussing at the principal seems like a vacation to me. I think two days of in-school detention would be more appropriate. When are schools going to realize that suspending kids is NOT punishing them? Make them sit in a classroom all day, with no talking and whatever else meanish rules you can set ~ I bet that will work! So...WHY did Raye tell her principal to fuck off? Thats a blog for later, I have to go to school. SOME of us are NOT suspended! Have a great day guys!!

Friday, April 16, 2010

Estimado asi y asi (dear so and so)

Dear So and So...

Estimado mi profesor de Espanol,

Creo tu permitas el estudiantes a conforman el prueba porque estuvieron ausentes pero no mi porque estudio el incorrecto materiala es mierda!!

El pissed-off estudiante que no es  tomando te clase el próximo año.

(mi español es un mierda - yo se. Estoy un primer año)

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Thankful Thursday

Well, I don't know what everyone in blogville blogs about on Thursdays so I am creating my very own: "Thankful Thursday". So, here's my story:

Out of my 9 loyal readers so far ~ who out there has fought or known someone who's fought Social Security and WON?? I thought something like that was an impossibility. A rumor. Myth. Old Wives Tale. An feat that could NEVER be done. Only I just did.  I still can't believe it and its been two weeks. Lil' ol' me. Its like a  "David and Goliath" story.

Okay, it wasn't exactly all me. I had help from a wonderful 25% costing attorney. It wasn't actually for me either. I was fighting for my son. Social Security took his benefits away FOUR YEARS AGO stating he was "cured"or some such nonsense. I hadn't exactly been living under a rock but when did they discover a CURE for autism? Yeah, that's what the Judge said too. The crappiest part of this story was that SS went all "your autism is cured so you don't get anymore benefits" at the EXACT month DBD and I went splitsville. Of course they did. The very bestest part of this story is that SS OWES my son and me FOUR YEARS of back payments - PLUS current payments. I honestly feel like our guardian angel has actually been paying attention this past year. Thats awesome since I was starting to think he'd/she'd went on permanent vacation.

I'm still kind of in shock. I really didn't think this could be done. I just figured all the steps in the fight were just for show. That they were just pretending to give you hope. Everything my kids have gone without for four years while DBD partied, gambled and drank away their child support. Every time we've just made do with what we had while DBD bought ATV's, a new motorcycle and took vacations. No more. No more worrying about Dakota's and Raye's college. Dakota can finally get the braces he's been waiting for for over 2 years because DBD wouldn't help me pay for them. Raye can get a car for her senior year. And since DBD and I are legally divorced; he can't touch it. But, if he finds out about it ~ he'll think of even more creative ways to be a DB; so I have to make sure he never knows by not telling anyone. But I HAVE to tell someone! So, I'm blogging about it. 

I know this blog might sound braggish but its not. Really its not. I'm just so grateful and appreciative and happy. I just needed to share the news with someone and I can't share it with anyone in my "real" life so I'm sharing it with you. Of course, we have to be patient and wait out the "process" and the "paperwork". Does anyone know how long that takes? 

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Sunday Stealing: The 35 Questions X 2 Meme: Part Two

Okay ~ Yes, I know its not Sunday but what are you gonna do ~ arrest me? I'm just bored this morning, my morning class got canceled and I don't know what else to do. I figure answering these questions would tell a little more about who I am. I stole this from Did I Say That Outloud? I don't know where the first 35 questions are ~ ask her!

36. If you suddenly became single or are single, do you think you could last in a relationship for 12 months or more? Absolutely. I miss being married. I'm divorced because I had to be; not because I wanted to. Sometimes, when the person you are married to no longer exists; there is no other option but to leave.
37. Do you forgive or forget? Both. Depends on who you are and what you did.
38. Do you trust people? Depends on who you are and what you've done but trust is not something I give lightly. Its been broken too many times.
39. What are you not looking forward to? Taking the DBD (DeadBeatDad aka: my ex-husband) to court next month. Its hard to do that because he lives in another state and I have to travel to that state to take him to court and pay all the fees (airline ticket, motel, etc) that go along with that and he knows this and its why he isn't following the our Order because if he isn't paying child support then how can I AFFORD to take him court for not paying child support? Pretty brilliant on his part actually but how long am I suppose to let my kids go without?
40. Do you get mad easily? No.
41. Tell us about the last time you were told you that you have pretty eyes. Never since my divorce. The DBD used to sing "brown-eyed girl" to me.
42. Do you have strange dreams? All the time.
43. Ever licked someone's cheek or forehead? I suppose so but any memory of that is suppressed as a traumatic event.
44. Tell us about the last time you fell asleep in someones arms. I fell asleep holding my daughter a few months back.
45. When did you last play a game? What kind of game? Board game? Video game? head game?
46. What do you have on you at all times? My cell phone.
47. Do you go out in public without getting all dressed up? Yep.
48. Do you like fruity or minty gum? Mint. Green not blue.
49. Favourite musician or group? At what time? High school? Def Leppard. I was OBSESSED with them. I was going to move to England and marry all of them when I was 18. Now? I don't even have a single song of theirs on my Ipod. Nowadays I listen to Daughtry, Nickelback ~ that kind of stuff.
50. Do you like anyone? I like a lot of  people. I also dislike a lot of people. Do I have a crush or thing for anyone right now? No.
51. Favourite computer game? FarmTown on FaceBook. Last summer before school started I was on FB all day, every day tending my farm and working on other farms so I could make money to buy neat stuff but I've probably been on my farm twice since September. I'm just too busy.
52. First album you ever went and bought with your own money? Album? Wow, we're talking ancient times here! I can't remember if me or my Mom bought my Michael Jackson/Thriller album so I'll go with Def Leppare/Hysteria.
53. Think back five months ago, were you single? Yep.
54. Do you believe in celebrating anniversaries? Absolutely! Unless its the anniversary of my birth ~ that one no!
55. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? Probably my daughter. But that's only because she wants to remember to ask me to take her somewhere or buy something for her or bring her lunch...
 56. Last thing you bought? Red Vines Blackberry Merlot. Its the ONLY wine I drink. Its actually the only alcohol I drink and I don't drink much at all. Maybe some wine once every 4 months or so. It just so happens that that "once every 4 months or so" was last night.
57. Are you a jealous person? No.
58. Does it take a lot to make you cry? No. I can be very emotional. I found a blog the other day and was bawling for hours for this lady I never even met.
59. Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to? Yep. I've always had more guy friends than girl friends.
60. Have you ever had your heart-broken? Yes. Once.
61. Have you ever done something while drunk that you still cannot believe you did? Yep. Not that I regret it. The consequences to that is probably in her 2nd period class right now.
62. Is there anyone you secretly wish you could be spending your time with right now? Yes.
63. Do you text? Yep. In class, while driving, watching tv, showering...Okay, maybe not showering!
64. Do you wish someone would call or text you right now? No.. Because chances are it would be my daughter asking me to bring her lunch.
65. Is your life anything like it was a year ago? No. Its MUCH better.
66. Go back one year on your blog. Leave us a link to your favorite post. I've only been blogging for a couple weeks!
67. You can only drink ONE liquid for the rest of your life, what is it? Diet Pepsi.
68. Tell us about someone that you have lost contact with someone you wish you didn't. The DBD. I know ~ he's a deadbeat but I am more talking about the person he used to be. Before he came back from Iraq all screwed up in the head. I miss the guy who went over ~ not the one who came back.
69. What is the last thing you said out loud? "Love you and have a good day", when I dropped my kids off at school, a whole .5 miles away from our house because their legs are broken and they can't walk.
70. Will this year be better than last? I truly hope so.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Change Of Plans

Okay, so its Monday and I was going to tell the first of my eleven stories about my ex's-ex, today and each following Monday ~ something like a "Marriage Monday"; copying off of "Music Monday". HOWEVER, I, like always, got sidetracked. Something that comes easy to me. I'm quite gifted like that. I was reading one of the blogs I am following and found some new blogs via them and so on and so on ... and then I found this one: lipstickandlaundry ~ and I have been BAWLING MY EYES OUT for the past hour. 

She writes about her precious little boy, William. He died when he was 17 days old from Trisomy 18. She has pictures on her blog and a link to a website she has created in his memory at Williams Website at which led me to create my own site ~ for my brother. So, while I logged on today with every intention of telling some hilarious story about my life with my ex's-ex ~ I'm all sad like now and not in a funny story-telling mood. Since the website I created for my brother won't be available to edit until tomorrow; I'm going to write a little about my brother here.

My little brother, Timothy, was born when I was 16 and for the next 22 months, spending time with him, was the best part of my day. I wore his picture, in a charm-frame around my neck, ALWAYS, and he loved playing with his picture and telling everyone that it was him in the picture. Hanging out with Timothy ranked over being with my friends. He was the most important person in my world and my heart broke in a million pieces the day he died.

I had just turned 18 years old and if I had stayed in school, in stead of getting my GED, May 21st, 1990 would have been my graduation day. One of the best days in a persons life. Instead, May 21st, 1990 will forever be the worst day of my life.  I will always, always wonder and feel guity about how it might have been different if I had graduated. How, if my graduation was that day, Timothy might not have been put down for a nap. We might have been with him when he had his seizure. That if I had graduated; Timothy might be with us today. That is a very hard and heavy burden for me to bear and I have been carrying it for 20 years. 

Timothy was born with epilepsy and cerebral palsy. He took medications for seizure and had just been taken off the apnea monitor he wore while sleeping since he was a newborn (had he not been  taken off the monitor; he might be with us today as well). I was at work when I found out that something was wrong with Timothy. I ran out of work and half way home in tears. Scared. Not knowing what was happening. ~ I was remembering the day, a year prior, when Timothy seized in his car-seat, coincidentally, on the way to the hospital where his pediatrician had admitted him. I was in the backseat with him and my Mother was driving but had stopped for gas. Timothy ended up on the gas station cement, having CPR administered to him by the gas station attendant and me screaming on the phone to 911 ~ halfway home an ambulance passed me with its lights and sirens on. I stopped and just watched it go past. I just knew my little brother was inside of it. I couldn't move. I just stood there. My parents were following the ambulance but I didn't even notice when they pulled up to the curb to pick me up.

My dad  had gone to check on Timothy while he was napping and he found him not breathing. He was still not breathing when the paramedics left for the hospital with him. They said he'd had a seizure in his sleep. They couldn't save him at the hospital. It was too late even when my dad found him. He was just gone. My life had just been taken from me. My whole reason for living. They let my parents and I stay with Timothy in a room. I got to hold him one last time. Run my fingers through his hair. Kiss his face. Begging him to wake up. I remember refusing to let go of him when my Mother was trying to take him back. The nurse cut a lock of his hair for each of us. We buried Timothy next to his and my older brother, Christopher. Timothy was the second child my Mother lost. I can't imagine a pain worse than that and my Mother went through it twice. She is still going through it. Every day. And so am I. My son's middle name is Timothy. I so fortunate and grateful to have had that wonderful little boy in my life and I cherish the time we had with him and the memories we all share.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

We are sorry for any inconvenience this may cause...

For those of you (I have nine "those of you" yay!) who are wondering why my template, colors, pictures, title, etc...are change with every visit ~ please have patience my blog is brand new and I am still experimenting. Of course, you could also run on over to My Kids Might Be Martians blog and blame her. It was her (awesome & hilarious) blog that sucked me into Blog-World!

I'm actually having a huge crisis over my current template ~ my favorite color is green but blue matches my title picture better! What do I do?? Oh, the dilemma!

Saturday, April 10, 2010


So, I've decided that the 17-1/2 years worth of unbelievable, embarrassing, pathetic and hilarious stories I want to share that involve my ex's-ex and my ex's-mother are waaaaaaaaaaaay too long for a single blog post. Of course they are too long. Its 17 years worth! What was I thinking? So, I have decided to tell them in installments. I was thinking that since my ex's-ex is on her ELEVENTH hubby ~ (hereafter referred to as h11 and yes. I said ELEVEN. 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,ELEVEN - in 17 years. And no. NONE of the hubby's were my hubby) ~ that I'd separate each story by marriage/hubby. Probably by color too - just to make it fun! In order to tell the wedding dress story; I'd have to jump to hubby #5 (hereafter referred to as h5) so I have decided that I will write about that when I get to the 5th installment. In the meantime, I'll get to work on installment #1 unless my memory fails me - I am OLD after all! Okay, maybe not so much but hubby #1 (hereafter referred to as h1) was a long time ago!

Here Comes The Bride...

Okay ~ they say 3 times is the charm right? This is my 3rd time trying to post this story so here we go ~ TAKE 3...

The following post is a comment I left on Mejis' blog in response to her latest post. Just to bring everyone up to speed and give a preview of my next blog entry:

The ~ I-Just-Got-Married-For-The-FIFTH-Time-But-Instead-Of-Celebrating-With-My-FIFTH-Husband-I-First-Need-To-Swing-By-My-ExBoyfriend/OldestSonsDad/ExBoyfriend'sWife's-House-So-I-Can-Show-Off-My-Wedding-Dress-At-Midnight ~ Story.

"Well now I'm really confused! Let me see if I can get this straight: My man's ex, Mejis' man's ex and Wikked Wit's man's ex (did I get that all right?) are really the SAME person? Well, that would explain a lot actually ~ like the freaky mood swings, compulsive lying, obsession with my role in my man's life, obsession with my in-law's and need to be "liked" better than me by them, "show-offishness" (from the Taaurus dictionary: you know ~ the going out of their way to make sure you know what they're doing, what they bought, what they have even though you could really GIVE A SHIT). It must be very tiring trying to make sure all 3 of us knows everything about her! Hey ~ has your guys' guy's ex been married ELEVEN times too? Or how about shown up at your door, at midnight, the night of her 5th wedding, in her wedding dress, proceeded to start a verbal (almost physical but her and her wedding dress yelled their way back to her car and my man held me back)fight, in front of her son/my stepson and then drive off with her wedding dress dragging on the ground because she shut the car door on it? Sound hilarious? IT WAS. I think that will be my next story and boy do I have a million of them!"
April 10, 2010 2:58 AM

Dear So and So ... tired, pissed off, broke, tired

Dear So and So...

Dear upstairs, disrespectful neighbors from hell,

Please STOP letting YOUR toddler run, jump, stomp all over the house at 8AM on a SATURDAY/SUNDAY MORNING! Please STOP letting YOUR toddler throw and bounce his toys over and over on the kitchen floor. MY kids and I have to get up at 6:30am M-F and we'd like to sleep in on the weekends instead of being woken up by YOUR kid.

Signed, Your downstairs, sleep-deprived neighbors

Dear Gateway Computers,

I am really enjoying my brand-new computer that I waited forever for/saved up for ~ that refuses to acknowledge my wireless signal, forcing me to be attached to an Ethernet cord AND a USB cord attached to my new, WIRELESS printer that I bought because I didn't want to be attached to a printer. Finally, thank you for forcing me to be attached to a power out-let because the battery refuses to lock and if the computer isn't plugged in to a power source; it turns off.

Should have bought a Dell

Dear Deadbeat Dad,

You haven't voluntarily sent a dime for your children's support in over THREE years. I guess your think they haven't needed anything? Thats a good thing! If they had really needed something it would have really interfered with your gambling & drinking money!

Your childrens (remember them?) Mother

Dear Felicity,

You are so adorable and I love you to death but can you please stop putting your nose on my nose, staring at my face and purring loud enough for the neighbors to hear, while I'm asleep? Could you also stop patting your paw on my face for attention in the middle of the night? I know you miss your Mommy but she visits you often and I promise, if you stop batting my face in the middle of the night, I will pet you and give you treats in the morning!

Auntie/Foster Mommy

Friday, April 2, 2010


I am extremely indecisive, constantly medicated for anxiety and I'm probably a little (or a lot!) ADD ~ so ~ if your wondering why my page, layout, title, keep changing, well, now you know why! Have a great day ~ I'm off to school yay!

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Why you should LISTEN to the 10 hours of warnings cited in Ambien commericials

Okay, so todays My Kids Might Be Martians post reminded me of a story. An AMBIEN story. You know ~ that little, tiny, harmless pill that doctors gleefully prescribe to their sleep-deprived, insomniac patients. Like me. This happened 4 years ago and I was asleep so I have no memory of the nights events so the following story is all hearsay from my children and my aunt who ended up babysitting me half the night before calling my husband to the rescue. So, according to all of them; the story goes something like this:

My children and I were visiting my aunt Jill and I had forgotten my insomnia medicine at home so she gave me one of hers. Just one ~ an itty-bitty Ambien. I usually take mine about an hour before I actually go to bed so I did the same here. I swallowed it a mili-second before she yelled at me "don't take it until your in bed!". No worries I told her. It takes a while to kick in. How the hell did I know that? I've never taken it before. But surely it works just like mine right? Right? Well, telling her that is my very last memory of the night. I woke up the next morning, fully rested, in my own bed. At my own house. How the hell did I get there!? Did I drive here? The commercial warns about all these scary things that can happend to people who take Ambien: driving, cooking, sleepwalking, etc. So I'm freaking out. Where is everybody? Where are my kids? Did I drive with my kids? Where is my car? WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED? My husband wasn't there. My daughter wasn't there. Jill wasn't there but I found Dakota asleep in his own bed. Did I drive home with him in the car?! He was at Jill's house with me. Why did she let me drive home?! With Dakota in the car?!?! All this shit is running through my head. A second ago I was at Jill's house with my kids ~ I pop an Ambien and BAM ~ its 12 hours later and I'm 20 miles away at my own house! Anyway, Dakota wakes up and tells me his version of the night: "Mom! You wouldn't go to sleep! You kept yelling at us that there were homeless kids on the porch and you needed to feed them and you started cooking top ramen! There were no kids on the porch Mom!" What? Homeless kids? Top ramen? WTF?!?! How did we get home? "Aunt Jill had to call dad to come get you because you kept cooking more packages of top ramen and Raye tried to get you to bed and you broke her nose!" OMG! Where's my daughter? "She stayed at Aunt Jill's Mom! Don't you remember anything?!" I have to say my son was PISSED! "You wouldn't go to bed! We tried to put you to bed for FIVE HOURS!" FIVE HOURS?! Where's dad? Where's Jordan? "idk". Is Raye okay? "idk".

Well, 4 years later and I still remember NOTHING. Needless to say, I have NEVER, EVER taken another Ambien EVER again! I am soooooo thankful that I was babysat by someone. To this day I am scared to death of what might have happened if I had been by myself and I have never, ever take warnings of possible side-effects, of any medication I take lightly again. In my opinion, even though only a percentage of patients precribed Ambien have these kinds of side-effects, I think Ambien should be pulled off the market. This was fucking SCARY! My children did not understand that I was ASLEEP. My daughter didn't come home for two days. She told me I kicked her in the nose when she was trying to get me into bed! Dakota can still remember the exact date this happened ~ he is traumatized for life! I think I am too!